RUSTENBURG, NORTH WEST – The stillness of the bushveld envelops Nadine Robêrt as she sits on a stump below an acacia tree, the branches spreading out above her, the cry of a grey loerie piercing the autumn air. From between the tall grass, a few impala rams watch from a wary distance. “I don’t know why he chose this specific spot, but this is where he came to find calm,” Nadine says, her voice heavy with grief.
She brushes a strand of hair away from her face, traces of freshly dried tears on her cheeks, and sighs deeply. “I actually can’t be angry at anyone,” she says. “It’s nobody’s fault.”
This is the first time since the death of her son, 17-year-old Francois Coetzee, that she’s returned to this spot in the bush outside Rustenburg. It was her beloved boy’s favorite place, a haven where he could sit for hours and enjoy the tranquility.
Francois had arranged stones into a neat circle and carried tree stumps to create an area where he could sit and take in the wonder of nature, Nadine says. “I feel sick. This is all so unexpected.” On one stone her child had written a verse from Romans 12:12: “Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer”. On another he wrote a line from Psalm 4:8: “In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, Lord, make me dwell in safety”.
Francois, her eldest child, would’ve turned 18 on May 6, but instead of making him a cake, his mom had to collect her son’s death certificate after the teenager drowned on May 1. “I was supposed to sing happy birthday to him,” she says, sobbing inconsolably. “He carried these stumps and stones here. His handwriting is on the stones. How much more personal can this place get?”
Francois’ getaway spot is just a stone’s throw from the family’s home on a farm outside Rustenburg. Nadine, 37, walks to the house in silence, her head down, her hands clenched in her pockets. “I fell pregnant with Francois when I was in matric,” she says after a while. “I always said he raised me and then I raised him.”
At the house, Nadine sits down on one of the couches in the living room, not far from a large photo showing a smiling Francois. In another corner are birthday balloons – she still celebrated his birthday even though he was no longer here. “I only realised after he died just how many friends he truly had,” she says. “He was a gentle giant.”
She describes her son as having “a heart of gold” and says he was the easiest teenager a mother could ask for. “He treated everyone with so much respect. He was gentle and loving and not at all the typical cocky teenage boy who slams doors behind him.”
She crumples a tissue and stares into the distance as she recalls the morning of May 1. The family had gone to a game farm in Limpopo for the weekend to celebrate Francois’ upcoming birthday. “He’d celebrated his birthday at the game farm almost every year since he was 13,” she says. Francois – or Fissy as his pals called him – had invited two of his friends along, and the boys sat chatting late into the evening. “At one stage I went to quieten them down and told them they needed to go to sleep.”
Nadine and her husband, Dean, went to bed, and at about 3:45 AM they were woken by one of Francois’ friends who was yelling hysterically. “All he kept saying was, ‘Please come and help. It’s Fissy.’”
Nadine rushed outside and found her son floating in the game farm’s swimming pool with a deep gash on his head. She managed to pull him out of the water and laid him on the side of the pool. “I pinched his nose and gave him mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. Blood and water came out everywhere,” she recalls, breaking down again.
Nadine’s husband and her brother took over from her as she cried out for help. “My throat was raw from screaming. I called and called and nobody answered.” Eventually, she managed to get hold of the game farm manager, who arrived on the scene and helped with CPR too. The men tried for more than half an hour to revive Francois, Nadine says. “But there was nothing they could do. He was already gone.”
That morning, police officers and a forensic team arrived to remove Francois’ body. Based on the location of the wound and the circumstances, Nadine believes Francois probably dived into the pool and misjudged the depth. “We think he dived and hit his head on the pool step.” According to Nadine, no one was present at the time of the accident, and his friend only found him at 3:45 AM when he noticed he wasn’t in bed.
Nadine says the drive home was nightmarish. “Suddenly you’re driving back without your child. It was supposed to be a weekend of celebration. When I got home I went and lay on his bed for hours.”
On his birthday, Nadine went with Francois’ friends to Bacana, a Portuguese restaurant in Rustenburg which had always been his favorite. “I didn’t want to cry,” she says. “I wanted to celebrate him, but it was too difficult.” She ordered his favorite meal – a beef fillet with cheese and jalapeños. “I tried to take a bite of the steak, but it just didn’t taste the same.”
The month of May will be very hard for her from now on, she says. “Not only is it Francois’ birthday but it’s also Mother’s Day.”
Nadine has two young daughters, Sadie, 10, and Abigail, 4, and they’re taking their brother’s death hard too. “Sadie had saved all her money to buy Francois a gift, and Abigail wanted to get him a cake,” she says sadly.
Dean is grieving too – he had accepted Francois as his own son after the boy’s father, Duan, died in 2019. “His father was his best friend,” Nadine says. “It was very hard for him when he passed away.”
Francois’ memorial service is a few days away. “We are expecting many people. Francois was very well-loved and had many friends.”
Afterwards, Nadine and her loved ones will go to his hideaway in the bush. There they will nail a nameplate to the tree and release balloons into the sky. “This place has now become my sanctuary too. I can also find peace here.”
