FOR years she’s had the public’s sympathy – the dignified jilted ex who stood strong in the face of humiliation.
She didn’t become bitter and twisted because of what had been done to her. And instead of letting hatred consume her, she appeared to continue with her life, establishing herself as a businesswoman, an author and a force to be reckoned with in the entertainment world.
DJ Zinhle, real name Ntombezinhle Jiyane, became the poster child for women who want to remain gracious after being cheated on. And in her case it was so much worse because the cheater was AKA and his mistress was Bonang Matheba, two of Mzansi’s most well-known stars.
Many supported Zinhle ( 35), praising her for being a good mom to the little girl she’d had with AKA (31) and not putting up a public fight for him. Good riddance, several supporters told her – she was far better off without him.
That’s why many have been left scratching their heads at the idea she’s reunited with her ex.
“I mean, he left her for a woman who is the total opposite of her – while she was pregnant, for the whole world to witness,” one fan noted on social media.
“AKA gives the vibe of being with Zinhle ’cos that’s what is convenient (she’s already the baby mama). I don’t really get the vibe that he loves her. I don’t think he ever has,” another wrote.
If their social media pictures are anything to go by, it seems love has once again blossomed between AKA, real name Kiernan Forbes, and the mother of his child.
The rapper set tongues wagging when he recently shared a snap showing Zinhle sitting on his lap, adoringly picking fluff from his hair.
“Opposites attract,” he captioned the picture.
THE couple infamously split four years ago when Zinhle took to social media to announce he’d cheated on her with Bonang.
Zinhle, meanwhile, had picked up the pieces of her broken heart. When Real Talk host Azania Mosaka asked
whether she was back with AKA last year, the DJ said they were doing a great job at co-parenting.
Zinhle also said she had forgiven him but the release of her song Uzobuya (You will Come Back) in October added fuel to the rumour that the two were indeed back together.
In March, AKA seemed to confirm the rumours with a shout-out to Zinhle. The rapper’s family and friends, along with Zinhle and their daughter, Kairo ( 3), were at the Times Square Sun Arena in Menlyn, Pretoria, to support his AKA Orchestra on the Square concert.
While performing his song Beyoncé – largely considered a diss track to Bonang – AKA practically confirmed their reunion. “I’ve got my baby mama now. We are in a better place,” he said.
While speculation about their reunion is rife, experts say getting back with an ex isn’t that unusual.
Zinhle is making up with AKA because she loves him and wants to rebuild their life together, relationship expert Mocholoko Zulumathabo Zulu says. “This is probably also the case with AKA.”
But can it really work?
MAKING IT WORK
Before getting back with an ex, you should look at the causes of what led to the breakdown of your relationship in the first place.
You need to deal with the pain and hurt caused by the breakup and heal, says Johannesburg social worker Nthabiseng Madikgetla. “The emotional and psychological wounds left by your ex need to heal before you can make any life-changing decision concerning them,” she says.
Forgiveness isn’t an event but a process, says Paula Quinsee, a Sandton-based relationship expert and author of Embracing Conflict.
“The fact you’re ready to forgive your ex doesn’t mean you’ve done so. It means you’re ready to begin the process so be aware beforehand of things that will hamper this process.”
Getting back with an ex could work if both parties are willing to work on the relationship, she adds.
“The partner that cheated needs to ensure there is no contact with the person they had the affair with.
“The person who was cheated on may have questions about the affair because sometimes they need to hear the details in order to move forward in their relationship,” Quinsee says.
THE RISKS OF REUNITING
It feels great when an ex realises they made a mistake and want you back, but Madikgetla says there are some cons involved in going back to an old flame.
When people try to fix things in a broken relationship they make promises to change but some people don’t change, and this is the risk you’re taking. Issues are never completely resolved The couple may focus on starting over and forget about resolving what really caused the breakup in the first place.
If the root cause isn’t addressed, chances are the behaviour will persist. Going back for the wrong reasons The only person you need to convince to give your ex another chance is yourself.
It’s a deep conversation you need to have to help yourself understand your reasons for going back. Only you can tell if your reasons are wrong or right. The key is being honest with yourself.