BEFORE I got married I thought that when I marry everything will be romantic, rosy and a half-heaven on earth. I always thought that the goose-bump-rising feeling I had when I was dating will be what made my marriage tick.
I thought I would be forever in a honeymoon.
This is a misconception that most people carry into their marriage life. When they don't get this, they think they got married to the devil's cousin while in real sense they are married to a right person whom they should take time to decode and then delight in.
As a continuation of our last week's theme, the column brings possible success tips to a marital relationship.
Love is not a feeling. Love is commitment and the heart to accept a person despite their shortcomings.
Cheating is cancerous to any marriage. Loyalty becomes the substrata of any substantial marriage. "Remember that, in marriage especially you should try to keep communication positive. For one partner to be constantly "picking at" or criticising the other is not the kind of communication we are talking about! This type of negative harping is destructive to a marriage and should be avoided at all costs"
"A man is absolutely stupid to be continually haranguing and correcting his wife! How can she respond to him as a loving sweetheart when she is regularly "put down" and corrected by her husband? And the Bible makes it very plain that a wife is equally wrong if she is continually complaining, griping or haranguing her husband. "Better to dwell in a corner of a housetop, than in a house shared with a contentious woman"— Proverbs 21:9." (Roderick C. Meredith in the book; God's Plan for a Happy Marriage)
Cheer-up, smile, use soothing words, be helpful, don't be grumpy and grudging. This removes all tension and brings fun to your relationship. It's unpleasant to be in marriage with a person who is hard to please or always impossible to deal with.
No one is as perfect as we expect. At times we mess-up or miss it and we yearn for that heart which will say, ‘I forgive you'. It's the same, when your partner does the same be quick to forgive and move on with life. Mistakes and mishaps are inevitable, but the most important factor is how you handle that.
Patience is one thing that will make most relationships work. Some people won't keep up with unyielding circumstances hence they opt for plan "B". Some marriages have been broken only because the other party was not patient enough to make it work. Your marriage has to be constantly watered with patience for it to bloom.
Giving is the essence of living and when we stop giving we stop the natural flow of life. You can't be in marriage and be greedy or tightfisted. Give yourself away to your partner in full and whole heartedly. This could be in romance and sex or other material artifacts.
Picture yourself being a great spouse and having a good marriage. In most cases of our lives, everything is first made in our mind and then manifested by actions and not the way round. Why not make a great marriage within yourself and see what will happen?
Picture it and portray it!
Wisdom averts a lot of mistakes and a lack of it has broken some hearts. One wise man once said, "Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom". Be willing to learn. Shun the "I-know-it-all" attitude and be a student of marriage.
Romance is the dose of sweetness to the whole marriage sphere. Romance out of the proper context could be as dangerous as a fire in the wrong place. A fire brings warmth during winter and has a lot of positive functions, but when it's lit in a wrong place is causes damage. So is romance in a wrong context. Married people need to enjoy each other.
Romance is highest form intimacy that God created which unites married people in enjoyment. Lack of romance in marriage could be a sign of other underground problems and a mismanagement of the aforesaid points.
The success of every relationship comes from the inside out, the commitment of involved parties and their willingness to make it work.
Those intending to be married: "Don't marry the person you think you can live with; marry only the individual you think you can't live without." – James C Dobson.
Jonah Nyoni is an author, success coach and motivational speaker