From Betrayal to Healing: How Ren and Adelé Bester Saved Their Marriage After Years of Infidelity
For years, Ren and Adelé Bester’s marriage was a battlefield of betrayal, heartbreak, and pain. Today, they sit side by side on a couch in their Germiston home, his hand resting gently on her leg, her eyes fixed tenderly on his. The couple, once torn apart by infidelity and addiction, are now marriage counsellors helping others rebuild what they once almost destroyed.
It’s been a long journey. “There is hope for broken marriages,” Adelé says softly. “But it’s often far from easy.”
Ren, now 46, openly admits to having cheated on his wife countless times. “I honestly couldn’t put a number to it,” he says. “There were loads.” His life was fuelled by a constant need for approval, and sex became his drug of choice.
“I mostly met women in the music industry,” says Ren, who was once a member of the group The Suits. “We had sex in hotel rooms, bathrooms, cars… anywhere.”
At home, he was the perfect family man — or so it seemed. He doted on their three children and appeared devoted to Adelé, 41. But the moment he stepped away, he was in someone else’s arms. Among his many flings, there were at least three serious affairs, one of which lasted more than two years.
A Marriage on the Edge
Adelé sensed the truth long before Ren confessed. Their home became a place of suspicion and arguments. “I watched Ren like a hawk,” she recalls. “He wasn’t even allowed to drive to the petrol station without me or my eldest son going along.”
Friends and family pleaded with her to leave, but she couldn’t. “I always thought I could change him or that he wouldn’t cheat on me if I just exercised enough control,” she admits. “I blamed everyone else, even the women. I believed they’d seduced him.”
She brought in counsellors, hoping to save their marriage, but nothing worked. Things spiralled until, in 2019, during his third long-running affair, Ren asked for a divorce.
They separated, and his relationship with the other woman soon crumbled. When the pandemic struck, he moved back home for the sake of the children — an unexpected step that would eventually lead to healing.
A Web of Secrets and Addiction
Ren’s infidelity wasn’t his only battle. He was also addicted to drugs and had been in rehab several times. “I felt very guilty about what I’d done to Adelé, but my need for self-affirmation was overwhelming,” he confesses.
His first affair began in 2013, three years after their wedding. Adelé turned to her mentor at church, confiding her fears that her husband was cheating. Her worst suspicions were confirmed when that same mentor accidentally sent her a message meant for someone else: “That was hard. I miss him.”
A devastated Adelé confronted Ren, who admitted the truth — he’d been sleeping with her mentor. But the revelation changed nothing. His affairs continued.
Adelé quit her job as a marketing consultant to care for their children. “There were times Ren was gone for so long I didn’t know if he was dead or alive,” she says. “Yet through everything, I just wanted him to love me, even though I didn’t love myself.”
The Turning Point
When Ren finally asked for a divorce, something inside Adelé shifted. “I didn’t want a divorce, but I also knew we couldn’t continue like this,” she says.
During their separation, she stumbled upon a marriage counselling organisation that changed her life. “I googled, ‘Can one person save a marriage?’ and I came across a programme that said you can. You can’t control what the other person does, but you can learn to love yourself.”
She joined the programme for six months and learned how to respond with calm instead of confrontation. So when Ren asked to see the children, she simply said, “Yes, of course,” even though he expected a fight.
Ren was stunned. “She took the wind out of my sails,” he admits. “I couldn’t complain about her being a tyrant anymore.”
Adelé explains her shift with a metaphor: “For our whole marriage I was blue and he was red and together we were purple. When I changed my behaviour and became yellow, then together we made orange. So the dynamic in our interactions changed.”
The Day Everything Changed
When Ren returned home during the pandemic, he was broken and suicidal. “I had so many secrets,” he recalls. “I was convinced if someone knew what I’d really done, there was no way anyone would love me.”
One morning, as they sat together on the stoep, Adelé asked him to open up. “I thought, ‘What the hell, I don’t want to live anymore anyway.’ Then, for 40 minutes straight, I confessed everything.”
Ren shakes his head as he remembers what happened next. “Adelé got up, gave me a hug and just said, ‘Thank you for sharing that with me. It must have been very difficult, but I love you, and you’re now free.’”
After that, he sent messages to everyone who had enabled his cheating and addiction — his mistress, his drug dealer, everyone. “I’ve told my wife everything,” he wrote. “Don’t contact me again.”
A New Purpose
Five years later, the couple’s lives are completely transformed. “We have no more secrets,” Ren says. They have turned their pain into purpose, training as marriage counsellors with the same organisation that helped Adelé find herself again.
They’ve now been counselling couples since January, helping others face what they once feared. “We don’t advise couples to divorce,” Adelé says. “But we do recommend that they separate for a period if their wellbeing is at risk.”
Ren adds, “You must protect yourself and your marriage and avoid romantic connections with other people. You must be aware of your needs, discuss them with your spouse and find those things within your marriage.”
Both know it’s not easy. But as they look at each other now — united, grounded and real — their message is simple: love, no matter how broken, can be rebuilt.
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