Ladies, have you ever heard of gamophobia? How about philophobia? Chances are you might not have heard of either, but you’ve probably dated a guy who has been one or the other, maybe even both.
Does this sound familiar?
You meet a charming good-looking guy. He asks for your number, you give it to him and you flirt via SMS or WhatsApp.
You then set up a date and it goes great. For a minute you start to think he’s different, he was so open and charming that you felt a real honest connection.
You’re excited, so you set up some more dates and they go great. You can’t help yourself and you end up having se_x with him, it’s fantastic.
But then he vanishes. He stops texting, stops calling and uses his work as an excuse not to meet up. You drift apart and that’s the end.
You then drive yourself crazy replaying every possible scenario on how or why things went wrong.
The truth is it’s not you, it’s him. These are signs the man was probably gamophobic or philophobic.
You’re not alone. This story is played out across the world and in all cultures.
Remember the infamous, Muthaiga Map guy? The guy who hands out maps with directions to all his one-night stands so they can navigate their way home?
What is gamophobia and philophobia?
Gamophobia is a fear of getting married, being in a relationship, or making a commitment. Philophobia is the fear of emotional attachment; fear of being in, or falling in love. Sound familiar?
The world might be developing smart phones, smart cars and sending people to space but we’re still struggling with the most basic human mating instincts such as love, se_x and commitment.
Looking at most relationships today, everyone is afraid of commitment, especially men. They still expect their partner to love them wholeheartedly, while they are afraid to give their all.
The world has turned into a hamster wheel of one-night stands, casual hook-ups and short two-month ‘long’ relationships.
Why don’t men commit?
Here are the nine big reasons why men love se_x but struggle with commitment. The good news ladies, it’s really not you, it’s them.
1. They want to play
Commitment means no more women and no more playing the field, at least it should mean this.
Single men enjoy sleeping with different girls, doing crazy stuff and feeling free to do what they want. They can’t do this if they are in a committed monogamous relationship.
2. Still too young
Men mature later than women. This means that women are ready to commit sooner than men.
The older and more mature a man is, the more likely he is to commit and not play any games. One of the many reasons young women prefer dating older guys.Commitment is a sign of maturity and most young men, 18 to 30, are too immature for real commitment.
Commitment is a sign of maturity and most young men, 18 to 30, are too immature for real commitment.
3. It’s easier to dine and dash
Commitment can be hard work. You have to dedicate a lot of time and energy into the relationship, and this scares men.
Men find it easier to end relationships before they start to get emotionally involved. It’s easier for them to keep things strictly se_xual, avoiding the chance of building a serious bond.
4. You’re not the only one
If he is single and dating, then the chances of him seeing and sleeping with someone else are pretty high.
When a man has more than one se_xual partner at the same time, he finds it hard to choose one over the other. This results in no commitment.
5. Work come first
You might come first in the bedroom, but outside the bedroom, you’re not his top priority.
Stereotypically, men are the providers. Therefore, they feel the need to focus on their careers, especially during their 20’s and early 30’s. Relationships are seen as time wasting, emotionally draining and distracting.
6. His friends have not committed
You might be shocked to know most guys actually want to commit, but being the first guy to commit in a group of friends is a big step.
If a guy has a lot of unattached friends then the chances of him settling will be slim.
Even the married guys in the group are all slightly envious of the single guys, it’s a male macho thing.
7. It’s just se_x
Some guys only see women as numbers, meaning they want to have se_x with as many women as possible.
You might be the smartest, se_xiest, kindest woman in the world but they are not looking for that. All they want is se_x, maybe some breakfast, but that’s about it.
8. He has baggage
Heartbreak and bad break-ups hit men hard.
Men find it hard to commit to a new relationship if their previous relationship ended badly, the wounds are still fresh and the thought of getting hurt again is too much.
9. Too much pressure
Men hate pressure, especially from the opposite se_x. They need to feel like they are in control and they are making the big decisions.
If you’re putting pressure on him to commit to you, a relationship or even attending social events together, he won’t react positively. It’s better to let things happen organically.
It’s not you, it’s me(n)
At the end of the day we’re all afraid of ending up in a bad relationship. We’re scared of committing to a relationship, sacrificing our time and giving all our energy only to end up trapped with the wrong person.
This is why most men keep one eye on the exit door, until they are absolutely sure they are with the women of their dreams.
Commitment doesn’t have to be hard, it’s just people are scared. Men use excuses like work, friends and emotions to stay semi-closed off and pretend they don’t want or need romance, but they do, we all do.
If you’re a man then be honest to your lover(s). Don’t pretend to be someone you’re not just to get se_x.
If you’re a woman, don’t allow yourself to be played. Be strong, set boundaries and stick to them.