10 Ways To Tell If Your Mom Was A Hoe Back In The Day

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#1 Age Difference Between You And Your Mom

Calculate the age difference between you and your mom. If you’re 18 and she’s 35, there is strong evidence that your mom was being at thottie before she had you. Hoes usually have kids at ages 14-18. But of course, that’s none of my business.

#2 Does Your Mom Punish You When She Finds Out You’re Sexually Active At A Young Age?

If you’re a teenager and already sexually active, and your mom happens to find out but doesn’t seem too shocked or angry about it, Your mom was definitely a hoe. An A1 hoe. She’s not surprise because in her head she’s saying “well, I used to be hoe back in my prime and knew how fun it was, so why not let my children do the same”.

#3 Does Your Mom Help Homeless People?

It has been confirmed by scientists that hoes do not have hearts. Now, quietly guide your mom through a street that has homeless people begging for money. But before you leave your home, make sure your mom has at least a dollar in her purse, or she’ll give the classic “I don’t have change” excuse. Quietly observe as you walk past the homeless person to see if your mom even thinks about giving up the dollar. If she doesn’t, she used to be a hoe and probably still is.

#4 Does Your Mom Get Cold?

Book a family trip to Antarctica. It has also been proven that hoes DO NOT get cold because they rather be a hoe and show skin, instead of wearing the proper clothing to stay warm, and as the saying goes: “once a hoe, always a hoe”. As you prepare to travel to Antarctica with your family, MAKE SURE your mom brings along proper winter clothing or she’ll just use the classic “I forgot to bring a coat” excuse. Observe to see if you’re mom rather stay warm with winter clothing or show some more skin to seduce the local penguins.

#5 How Tolerant Is She To Ecstasy?

Take your family to a nice restaurant to dine. But before you plan the dinner, be sure to purchase a few ecstasy pills from your local drug dealer. Tell your mom that Michael Jordan is sitting at the table behind her, as she turns around to look, slip some ecstasy pills into her drink. Observe after a few minutes to see if you’re mom is acting a little odd, if she’s acting normal, she most definitely did ecstasy back in the day and developed a high tolerance, which means she was a hoe.

#6 Ask Her As A Joke

Tell your mom “hey mom I heard you used to be a hoe back in the day”, observe her reaction. If you see her becoming uncomfortable and sweat dripping down her face, she was most likely a hoe. Then, hit her with the “I’m just kidding mom”, if she looks relieved, now you know the truth

#7 Look For Secret Tattoos

Get some Roofies from your local drug dealer. Slip some Roofies into your Mom’s Ice tea. When your mom is finally unconscious, search for hidden tattoos on her body that can indicate she used to be a hoe. Common hoe tattoos are: “Only God Can Judge Me”, ANY tattoo on her lower back, butterfly tattoos, feathers turning into bird tattoos, etc.

#8 See How Far A Banana Goes Down Her Throat

Buy a few bananas from your local grocery store. Wait until your family goes to sleep. Get up around 4 A.M., take a banana, and quietly sneak into your mothers room. Peel the banana and carefully open her mouth and put the banana as deep as you can down her throat. It is said that hoes and even ex-hoes can easily fit long things down their throat with no problem. If your doesn’t suddenly wake up or gag, then there’s strong evidence she used to be a hoe.

#9 Does She Know How To Cook?

If your mom doesn’t know how to cook, there’s a big possibility she used to be a hoe. Hoes were generally too busy being hoes in their youth to have time to learn how to cook and do useful things. No cook = HOE.

#10 Find Out For Yourself

When all else fails but you’re still having serious doubts about your mom being a hoe back in the day. No worries, simply build a time machine. Typically, Delorean DMC cars, or British phone booths work very well. Travel back in time and see for yourself. Follow your mom around and discover whether or not she really is a hoe. Even befriend her and take her to parties to see who she really was. And if you’re a guy, even try to hook up with her to see if she’ll go for it.


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