HATING your ex after a break-up is the most natural and common reaction. But if the old adage, “every cloud has a silver lining”, is anything to go by, regardless of the reason for the break-up, you must have benefitted from the relationship in some way.
According to counselling psychologist Ivret Williams, finding a reason to be grateful for your relationship with your ex is much simpler than many of us are willing to admit. She said among the reasons you should be grateful for your ex are:
They made you stronger emotionally
You may not have realised just how strong you were or were capable of becoming until you were able to manage all the obstacles thrown at you in the relationship. As you sit and compare your emotional state before and after the relationship, note how strong you have become.
Regardless of the degree of challenges you endured during your relationship — constant nagging, lack of affection, or even domestic abuse — this could prove to be a great test of how much you are capable of bearing
They helped you to develop a better relationship with yourself
A person is responsible for their own happiness and a break-up is the perfect reminder of this. Sometimes in relationships people lose themselves — they submit to the person they consider their better half, they give up on the things they love because their partner doesn’t find them fun, or they priorities their partner’s affairs. In moving forward, and especially in your future relationships, remember that it is unfair to you, as it is to your partner, to make anyone else responsible for your happiness
You discovered yourself
There are no longer shackles around your feet and you can now do what you always wanted to do. Now is the time to discover yourself, especially if you have been in a relationship from a young age.
You can resume your dreams
A part of a relationship is making sacrifices. But now that you no longer have to, you can go back to school or even take up a long-standing job offer that you couldn’t have entertained while with your partner.
You were able to meet your new partner
There is the cycle of good, better, best, and having left a relationship, you are now more conscious of what you want and the qualities that you are looking for in a mate. You are also now more mature and mentally ready for a relationship because you have learnt what not to do. It helps when you are grown going into a new relationship, and much of that growth is a result of your experiences with your ex.
You can be independent
There is nothing quite like being in control of your own affairs. You want to pay your own bills and you want and choose the products that you always wanted to get without having to think about them.