So, you may be dating the same woman for a few years. Or just a few months. Maybe you’re still sleeping around and not ready to settle down. But regardless of where you are in your life and relationships, when it comes to your sexual routine, there are always new tools you can add to your toolbox. And better yet — we have the sex experts who can tell you exactly what you were doing wrong, what you could be doing, and how to really, really surprise and satisfy her with new moves she’ll love.
If you make no other resolutions this year, we recommend making the goal to be a better lover and partner in 2016. It’s something that’ll give back to you — and to her — all year long. Here’s how to be better in bed this year, straight from the doctors who know best.
What Went Wrong In 2015
According to sex and relationship expert, Dr. Kat Van Kirk, most couples were having threesomes — or even foursomes — this year! But while you pick your jaw off the floor and wonder how you get in on the multiple sexual partners trend, Dr. Kirk isn’t talking about additional people under the sheets, but iPhones. “This year, many couples complained about how negatively their sex lives were affected by bringing personal electronic devices, like iPhones and laptops, into bed,” she says. “It shows her that you are checked out and disengaged.”
Another concern, according to Dr. Kirk was a man’s lack of knowledge and skill on how to actually stimulate his partner’s clitoris. “Many men don't seem to know that the clitoris actually extends down underneath both sides of the labia in a wishbone shape,” she says. “Only focusing your touch on the head of the clitoris is too intense for many women. Try moving stimulation to the one o'clock position outside of the clitoris and don't forget to give her labia a little love.”
Another biggie? “I’ve heard complaints about how the lack of male facial grooming has negatively impacted her experience of oral sex,” Dr. Kirk says of the hipster beard/lumber-sexual trend. “It’s too scratchy for her!”
This Year, Evolve Your Moves
While the hook-up culture is nothing new — thanks to Tinder and a slew of dating apps to fulfill the generation of instant gratification — but it is affecting how women perceive you in the bedroom. Dr. Kirk says that because more women are having more casual encounters than ever before, they’re being introduced to a bigger variety of sexual techniques. “You really need to become a student of sex and sensuality, so that you’re always on your game and are open to changing your style to satisfy her,” Dr. Kirk says.
Relationship, sex and sensuality expert, Coleen Singer agrees with Dr. Kirk. “As women explore their own sexuality and push their sexual boundaries, they are expecting (or at least hoping) that their partners will join them on the adventure,” she says. “This also requires guys upping their game as far as communication, before, during and after the experiments.”
To improve your communication and really change what you were doing before to something even better and hotter, Dr. Kirk says to consider each woman as unique. “What you think will work for one, may not work with another. There can be slight variations in pressure, speed and angle that will make or break her sexual experience with you,” she says. “Learn to evolve and re-educate yourself with each woman you are with.”
This Year, Try Sex Toys
Singer said that in 2015, many women complained that men weren’t open to using sex toys in the bedroom, and for the ladies, that’s a big turn off. “I suspect a large part of this is that sex toys have become much more in the mainstream,” Singer says. “If Brookstone has a full, tasteful display of upscale ‘personal massagers’ (read: vibrators) right there for the whole world to see in shopping malls and airports everywhere, it sends the message that it’s got to be good!”
And it is. “Embracing sex toys can actually show you care about her pleasure,” Dr. Kirk says. “For instance, penis rings are the perfect option for making sure she gets clitoral stimulation no matter what position you're in. Plus, you get to enjoy the sensation too.”
Adam and Eve have a whole selection of couple sex toys for you to pick from. Consider it a late-holiday, early Valentine’s Day gift for her — and for you.
This Year, Make Out More
There was something so sensual and enticing — even a little risqué! — about making out when you were a teenager. Remember the fear of getting caught? The intensity of touching parts you had never explored before, the sounds, the movements, the growing desire. It was so dirty at 15 — and it can be again if you let yourself go slow. “Many women shy away from any physical affection because they somehow get the message that sex is always a required part of it,” Dr. Kirk says. “Show her you can enjoy the excitement and anticipation of simply making out.” She might surprise you the next morning with a quickie before work to show her appreciation of the simple romance of making out.
This Year, Give Bondage A Chance
Traditional sex where you switch positions until you both finish is great and all, but S&M has seen a consistent rise over the past few years, especially with books like Fifty Shade of Grey. Singer says that while you might not want to go total submissive-dominant and draw up a contract with your lady, small bondage introductions into your sex life can take up the steamy factor a notch, and perhaps more importantly, build trust. “A good place to start is some simple wrist restraints and a blindfold on one of you. If that works for both of you, there are all kinds of more kinky things you can try out like hot wax, paddling and such,” Singer says. “Just always play safe, sane and consensual, and be sure to agree on a ‘safe word’ to be used if either of you need to pause the action and regroup.”
This Year, Conquer The G-Spot
Dr. Kirk says many men not only miss the mark when they’re trying to find the G-spot, but don’t know what to do with it once they’re there. “This little gland of pleasure doesn’t have to be so elusive,” she says. “Many women are blown away by how intense and enjoyable G-spot stimulation can be. The G-Spot is about two inches in the vagina on the upper wall. It tends to be easier to find with fingers or a toy designed to target the spot.”