It’s a question a lot of women I know ask themselves over and over. Why am I not attracting a guy who wants to get married?
If they have a certain guy in mind they wonder:
• What is he looking for?
• How can I get him to marry me?
• Why hasn’t he asked me to get married?
They don’t know what it is that compels a man to marry but they suspect it is something they can influence.
Some of us try being sexy, fun and playful thinking that a man will be lured in and want to stay. Some of us try to be indispensable, nurturing him so well that he’ll want you in his life indefinitely. Whatever way you’ve played it, most of us will try everything we can to be what we think he wants us to be.
And that’s the thing… we women get caught up in “what can I do to make him love me” (consciously or subconsciously …And the underlying thought behind that is “what’s not right with me”. We’ll talk more about that later.)
So once we try our hardest to get him to love us (aka marry us) and it doesn’t work, we end up thinking he’s just a jerk or he can’t commit. Then several guys later, we tend to think there are just a bunch of jerks or commitment-phobes out there. But then sometimes shockingly, he marries the next girl he meets! We wonder what didn’t I do right and/or what does she have that I don’t. Then eventually you’re saying to yourself, “what’s wrong with me”?
If you look at married women, they’re usually not what you’d think of as “the perfect woman”. You wonder how is it that some of them got their husbands to marry them!?!
And that’s just it. Most of these women didn’t GET their husbands to marry them. The men CHOSE to marry these women.
So How Do Men Choose Who To Marry?
Men need to be inspired by the woman in order to want to marry her. What does it take for a man to become inspired enough to marry?
Certain specific qualities… which can be summed up best in the analogy of 3 Female Archetypes. These qualities are basically what men need, and it’s usually not a conscious thing. But once they see all three archetypes in a woman, that is what inspires them to contemplate marrying her.
I’ll explain what the 3 archetypes are and what that they look like to a man. The 3 archetypes are the Queen, the Mother and the Enchantress. But you need a combo of all three in order to inspire him. Just one or two of them can result in a forever dating relationship, but he won’t be inspired to marry you. Let me explain…
Men will be attracted to and want to date the sexy, playful Enchantress type. And men will hang out and live for years with the nurturing Mother types or a combination of the two. These qualities are important in attracting a man and in sustaining a relationship but they type of woman who men will want to marry is a woman that inspires them and feels like their Queen.
What Qualities Does A Man Look For In A Wife?
This ideal (queenly) woman will be able to run his castle, hold down the fort when he’s away and watch his back. She has the confidence of a queen, a clear vision of who she is and how to be in command of their kingdom. She feels like his rock, his foundation. This is what inspires the man and makes him feel like he can be king of his kingdom!
Men recognize whether a woman is their queen (or not) fairly quickly. It doesn’t take long and then they can’t wait to get married. If your man hasn’t married you after 9 months, he more than likely does not have plans to marry you. After nine months, a woman is usually disappointed if he hasn’t popped the question, but she’ll keep hoping holiday after holiday, year after year that it’ll happen. Not coincidentally, it takes nine months to create a baby and it doesn’t take much longer for a man to know whether you’re it or not.
The key thing is that a man has to see you as his wife (his queen) and must must must feel inspired to want to marry you.
So How Do You Become The Kind of Woman Who Men Want To Marry?
One of the most important qualities men look for is confidence.
And one thing I’ve heard out of the mouths of men is that probably the most attractive attribute is a woman’s confidence.
It’s an inner confidence that he’s talking about– knowing who she is, holding herself in high regard and being comfortable in her own skin.
How can I show a man that I am confident?
If you are with a man and you’re trying to “get him” to love you and marry you by adapting yourself to what you think he wants and needs, you’re essentially saying to him (and yourself- consciously or subconsciously) “what’s not right with me?”, he will see it. Inner confidence starts with loving and accepting yourself and all that you are. If you feel valuable and worthy with or without him, he will sense this. If you honor and respect yourself, he will see that.
Inner confidence allows a woman to be real, to show her real self.
Another quality men find extremely attractive is being real, being genuine. A man can smell fakeness a mile away so that means he can tell if you are trying to be something you are not in order to attract him! Self-acceptance actually allows you to truly be yourself, and genuinely show your beautiful imperfections off with confidence. If he doesn’t like what he sees, then he is not the man for you!
So you’re saying if I truly love and accept myself so will a man?
Yes, it’s more likely to happen than not. Why? Because it’s easy to fall in love with someone who loves themselves and is comfortable in their own skin. If he can see what you love about yourself, you can flaunt your amazingly cool qualities and make it easy for him to fall in love. And more importantly, if you are truly being yourself around him he can clearly see if you are his queen. If you fit his personal definition of his queen, then a man will feel inspired to make you a permanent fixture in his life. (If you don’t fit his idea of his wife, he may hang out for years, even decades, but not feel inspired to marry.)
An important thing to note: Attracting a man and creating a lasting, happy marriage requires more than just being his queen.
A Queen can rule his world, but you will keep him happy and interested if you’re also a little bit of the nurturing Mother and the playful Enchantress.
What if I truly feel confident and I love and accept myself, but I’m still not attracting the marrying man?
If you have the self-accepting inner confidence of the Queen, but not the playful, flirty Enchantress and the nurturing Mother side showing, then a man may not see the balance that he needs in a wife. Not only do men crave those feminine sides of us, but those aspects fulfill other sides of who we really are as women. Expressing all three is fulfilling and rewarding to both ourselves and our men (or the man you want to attract).
And if you’re in a relationship that hasn’t led to marriage, there may be something there that you need in order to learn to be ready for your “King”. You may consider taking my course called Mr. Right, Right Now! You will learn a step-by-step method to attract your man by totally being your true self ( no matter, as imperfect as we all are!)
START BY LOVING AND ACCEPTING ALL THAT YOU ARE. AND WHEN YOU MEET HIM, LIVE UN-APOLOGETICALLY BY FULLY BEING YOURSELF! THE RIGHT MAN WILL SEE YOU AS HIS QUEEN.