People who say that se_x solves everything are just too damn horny for their own good and are being melodramatic, right? Wrong. While I’m sure there are some problems that it can’t solve, try telling that to anyone who’s lost their migraine the size of smartcar to a body trembling org_asm.
Have a horrible hangover? I bet an org_asm would fix that. In a sh*tty mood? Need to get laid. Not feelin’ yourself today? Someone really needs to f*ck you. Don’t believe it? Well then be my guest and test it out for yourself.
1. When you’re bored…
Boredom can lead to all kinds of impulsive and reckless behavior, from online shopping sprees to cutting your own hair. You should probably save your wallet and your hair a big-ass headache and find a more safe and se_xual way to keep yourself entertained.
2. Fed up with yelling? Bang it out.
He apologized. You apologized. All is forgiven but you still kinda want to slap him. So maybe spank him instead and you’ll be back to your sickeningly sweet, mushy gushy selves long before the sun comes up.
3. It’s better than Nyquil.
What else is there to do when you’re lying in between the sheets and wide awake? It’s definitely not reading a book or drinking herbal tea that will knock you out in a sweaty, panting daze.
You really need to write that midterm paper and you know it… but you’re really just not feelin’ it. Maybe a couple org_asms and some caffeine will remotivate you. It can’t hurt to give it a shot.
5. Didn’t get to the gym, still need a workout…
It’s no secret that exercise has a crazy impact on your mood. And hey! What do ya know, so does se_x. Screw the gym when you can go home, get in some cardio and work on your flexibility all from the comfort of your own bed.
6. When you’ve got that fresh, clean feeling…
There’s really nothing that will make you feel se_xier than shaving your legs for the first time in the month. You’re not prickly and feel like you could f*ck your way through a baseball team if someone would let you.
7. Before the distance is too much…
There’s no better way to say your goodbyes than getting naked and horny together and taking it from there. Plus, eventually, you’ll be together again and more than ready to jump back into bed for reunion se_x.
8. When work has you stressed AF
All you want to do is take a week long bender and disappear to the Caribbean, but you have a presentation next week. Sounds like you really just need to schedule a meeting to get it in like ASAP so you can stop thinking about Roger in marketing.
9. When a bad hair day calls for a good lay.
You’ve cried, finally accepted it, and texted your best friend to let her know whose life you’ll need to ruin. But either way, there’s no fixing the catastrophe sitting on your head. S_ex can help you remember that your hair is really not what he finds so se_xy about you.
10. Can’t decide what to watch, make your own entertainment.
You want to watch a romantic comedy, he wants to watch some superhero action sh*t. Combine the two genres, veto the movie altogether, and create your own little production behind closed doors. It will probably look better than whatever you were going to watch anyways.
11. After that flash sale at Victoria’s Secret…
Five espresso shots and two lattes later and you’ve ended up in Victoria’s Secret convincing yourself that you absolutely have to have that sheer black babydoll that you’ve been eyeing. Really the only logical solution here is to run home, put it on, and hope someone is there to rip it off of you shortly after.
12. When the hotel room feels more like a hostel
The sheets are scratchy, the room is cold, and there’s only one way to get your minds off of the horrible room you’re stuck in for the night. Just remember to put up the Do Not Disturb sign or at least a sock on the door.
13. Hungover? Get bent over
Maybe there’s no scientific proof that se_x cures hangovers but at least it will take your mind off the pain. And chances are you were probably too drunk to figure out have to have se_x last night, so hungover morning se_x it is.
14. Getting over someone? Get under someone else.
Just because it’s a rebound doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to score. Rebound se_x makes you excited for what’s to come, not whatever’s in the past.
15. Because practice makes perfect.
Not only will having se_x over and over again consequently make you better, it will also boost your libido. So you’ll want more the more often you do it and you’ll just keep getting better. You really can’t go wrong.
16. It’s the best hiccup cure.
Just think of it as him pounding those damn hiccups out of you. Bang, bang, bang… org_asm and ta da! No more hiccups.
17. To make the pain go away for a while.
Whether you’re f*cking yourself or someone else is taking care of you, se_x (even without an org_asm) can distract you from any pains you have in your body and raise your overall pain threshold. Yay for se_x!