These are the super-easy, anyone-can-do-them tricks your husband really, really wishes you'd learn.
In Beverly Hills, where I live, there's a whole cosmos of se_x consu_ltants, coaches, and "healers" who stand ready to enlighten you, under the palm-shaded sun, for jackpot fees ($100 an hour and up). My mission as an intrepid Redbook reporter was to unearth the elite of this ex0tic, er0tic body of experts and reveal to you what knowledge—if any—was worth so much cash.
All roads led to Dr. Ava Cadell. I couldn't wait to ransack her brain for solutions to the f0remost knotty dilemma for me and every other woman I know: What can I do to keep se_x fresh in my marriage? I left her office stunned and enlightened (not to mention $300 lighter), with a bouquet of wondrous tricks that I didn't know I didn't know—and believe me, you don't either. So listen up.
1. The Card Trick
People should not have se_x without talking about it—lovingly, salaciously, practically, fearlessly—and often. How else can we know how to thrill each other? Couples don't ask for what they want because they're afraid they won't get it. If you don't ask, however, you are sure not to get it. The spoken word can be f0replay, intimate and hot. Be brave. Dr. Ava suggests this se_x game. Plan to make a night of it:
a. Set the mood for a romantic evening with your partner. Then write all your se_x fantas!es on three-by-five-inch cards. All of them, no matter how bestial, or politically taboo.
b. Read your cards together and, as you do, divide them into three piles: fantas!es you want to turn into reality (e.g., s_ex in an airplane lavatory); fantas!es you want to keep that way (e.g., se_x with your man and another woman); and fantas!es that do nothing for one of the partners (e.g., se_x with Big Bird).
c. Discard the pile of fantasies that turn a partner off. Keep the other two piles. Have one partner choose a card from one of them, and then do whatever's written on it. If he chooses this time, you get to choose next time. If the chosen fantasy is one you both want to keep a fantasy, you're not going to actually do it—you're just going to make love as you talk about it. Example: he picks the fanta_sy where he makes love to you and another woman (most men's number one choice). Start to make love while both of you describe, in ex_quisite car_nal detail, who's doing what to whom and how. To avoid hurt feelings it's best if you describe what the other woman looks like (he'll say "She's 18"—and you'll get mad). Make her your physical opposite: If you're small brea$ted, make her bo0bs a b0nanza. If you're all-American, make her se_aringly exo_tic. You get the point. If your man is too shy to join in, ask him questions, like "I can't see her mouth—where is it?" Act things out (with flair!) as you narrate them. Dr. Ava recommends that you end these sessions with your man cl!maxing inside of you as you rather than as the other woman. This will maintain !ntimacy and quell that green-eyed monster.
2. The Not-Your-Average-Missionary Trick
Q: When is the missi0nary position not the missi0nary position?
A: When you stroke your man's perineum. This small stretch of flesh between the anus and the testicles is an exalted but often neglected place. When it is cares$ed or gently pr0dded during se_x, men fuse with the eighth dimension. My man sure did; I felt like I floored a Ferrari.
Don't assume that the great favor of your vag!na is enough. Gild the lily.
3. The Whole-New-Ball-Game Trick
A man's test!cles, says Dr. Ava, are the complement to our ov_aries: a m_ystical place, the epicenter of new life. But unlike ovaries, testicles can be touched—and boy, should they be t0uched. The se_nsations they produce are beyond the sum of their parts (forgive the p_un): profound. P!nch, tug, s*ck on his te_sticles. L!nger. Dawdle. Don't make this an afterthought. This is a destination in itself.
4. The Place-You-Don't-Want-to-Go-But-Should Trick
It's the an_us. Not yours, his. Penetrating a man's anus st!mulates his pr0state—he male G_sp0t. Do not underestimate the power of this tip-off. The results are titanic.
Most men crave anal play, whether they ask for it or not. Most women, however, do not daydream of fulfilling this desire. I am among them. When I tell Dr. Ava that I would just as soon skip that train stop, she shoots me the mother-in-law look. "Get over it," she says. "Attitudes like that are why men cheat." Yes, ma'am.
Start by lightly circling the outside of his anus with your fingers or tongue. Try a small, thin vibrat0r. If your man wants you to proceed with penetration, you can lu_bricate the vibrat0r, or use a lu_bricated, covered finger. Buy latex finger cots at the drugstore. They will prevent internal skin tears and, frankly, make the whole transaction easier for you. Prepare for bliss rockets to light his sky. I promise you that his sl_ack-jaw_ed, pinw_heel-eyed, puppy-like gratitude will abate any reluctance on your part. I, your intre_pid tour guide, now speak from the mesa of Experience. I'll bet Mata Hari used this one.
5. The Taste-'N'-Smell-O-Rama Trick
Smell and taste can be vivid se_xual lures, especially the way you smell and taste. Does he really like your signature perfume? Might he prefer something trashier? Spicier? Experiment.
Try bathing with a new scented oil. Walk out in a towel, then ask him to smell you and nibble and share what he thinks. Show him where. Unless you've bathed in skunk oil, his sharing will involve few words.
Play with flavored lu_bricants. There are dozens to choose from, like chocolate pudding flavor, strawberry, tangerine. Even if you don't really need lu_bricants for inter_course, they're wh0lesomely lewd, and they increase se_nsation.
Some men don't want flavored or scented anything. They crave the smell and taste of an ar0used woman, unadorned. If you have such a man, here's a marvelous move: Find a private moment in a public place. Tell him you can't wait to get home 'cause you're wet just thinking about him. Maintain eye contact as you (discreetly! se_nsuously!) snake your hand inside your clothes to your vag!na. Touch yourself; maybe moan a bit. Draw your hand out and put your fingers in his mouth. Say sweetly, "See?"
New Line Cinema
6. The Ridiculously Simple Apparel Trick
No woman alive needs to be told that sight is every man's number one sti_mulus when it comes to se_x. This is often the bane of our existence (as when his head swivels in a restaurant like NASA radar). But the power of sight can work for you.
Forget acryl!c nails, or those "darling" accessories, or that new workout gear—men couldn't care less. Take that cash and invest in lingerie. It can be demure; it can be ent!cingly sleazy. "Lingerie"—way above "please" or "thank you"—is the magic word.
When Dr. Ava first suggests this I say, "Oh, please. Lingerie? That old cli_ché?"
"It is a cliché, my dear," she replies, "for a reason. Remember: men are not biologically programmed to be with one woman. Anything you can do to be different in bed—or on the floor, or in the closet—you should do. If you want a mon0gamous man." I make a face. "That's not what women want to hear, I know," Ava drawls, "but it's the truth."
Sl_inky, lacy black things are classics. Start there.
7. The Daring Depilatory Trick
And speaking of being different in bed, Dr. Ava suggests this trusty personal favorite: Surprise your man by occasionally removing your pubic hair completely (depilatory cream is best; no itchy regrowth). This simple trick is audacious—and me_smerizing.
8. The Magic-T0uch Trick
Ma_$turbate in front of your man. Don't be shy. Describe what you're doing as you do it. Ma$turbate him while he watches. Tell him his pen!s is gorgeous. (Wearing spike heels when you say this is always a plus.) If your body isn't perfect, remember: Candlelight can soothe a spe_ctrum of flaws.
9. The Getting-to-Know-Yourself Trick
Practice makes perfect. And perfecting your 0rgasms alone will give you the confidence to relax—deux. The first thing you have to do is banish the notion that you must have an 0rgasm through inter_course. Not a lot of women do, and some who say they do are lying. Most women, however, can cl!max with ma$turbation, and it's a great way to learn what really works for you.
Get loose with yourself. Make the time. Wear something hot. Try different kinds of vibrat0rs (Juli Ashton's Pink Pocket Rocket, tiny and powerful, is a real people pleaser. Check it out at www.lase_xtoys.com). Try different positions: on your back, in a chair, kneeling in front of a mirror. Touch yourself in different ways—for instance, play with your labia only until the verge of 0rgasm, and only then touch your cl!toris directly. Build se_nsations slowly; keep yourself near the ver_ge for as long as you can. Discover what works best for you, and explain it to your partner. Ladies: He can't read your mind.
10. The G_Sp0t 0rgasm Trick
The good news: You definitely have a G_sp0t. The bad news: Finding it is like playing pin the tail on the donkey.
The G_sp0t is, anatomically speaking, your urethral sp0nge—a sprig of knowledge I find wildly une_rotic. It's our version of the male prostate, best st!mulated through the vag!na's front wall with your fingers, or with a flexing, ante_nna_like vibrator designed for this quest.
To find your G_sp0t, get yourself nicely ar0used; then, inserting one or two fingers, palm up, press slowly around your vag!na's front wall, about two inches up. It var!es from girl to girl. Before hell freezes over you will hit a dime-size, slightly ridged sp0t that provokes an urge to urinate. Eng_rave that location on your brain, then go and do so. When you return, find it again. This time ignore the got-to-go feeling; you'll know it's false. If you keep st!mulating, that sen_sation will bloom into pleasure. Once you've aced this, demonstrate it for your partner.
A favorite inte_rcourse position is optimal for G_sp0t st!mulation: Kneel atop your man, legs on either side of his torso. Lean back on his raised knees.
Dr. Ava says G_sp0t 0rgasms are titanic, intense, different from what the ol' workhorse cl!toris can bring. Some women experience an "eja_culation" with these—a milky fluid discharged from the ure_thral area.
11. The C0ndom Trick
There are times when you just need a c0ndom, no matter how smu_gly exclusive you are: You have a yeast infection—he has a weird red spot—you're in Hawaii without your pills. But produce one and you see the face of a petulant toddler veneered on the man you love. It growls, "I'm not using that thing. No way."
The smart woman responds sweetly with: "But baby, I need to practice putting them on with my mouth." Men love this. Let him know it's an old h0okers' trick. Here's how it goes:
a. Hold the condom so the rolled edge is facing you.
b. Place it between your lips and teeth that way. Stick your t0ngue in the middle so tongue-in-c0ndom pokes out just a bit.
c. Put t0ngue-in-c0ndom on the head of the pen!s (if you want to train for this before the actual event, practice on a banana).
d. Cover your teeth with your lips and ease your mouth over his pen!s until the c0ndom is unrolled. Make sure you leave some space at the top for semen. And don't conduct this like a relay race. A little finesse, if you please!
Genius, huh? You're welcome.
12. Bonus Tip
Do make noise during se_x, girlfriend. Dr. Ava says enthu_siasm is the number one turn-on for men.