10 definite signs that your man has a small PEN!S: Most cheating men have small D!CKS

0

I don't have exact percentages, but a large number of the male population suffers from the tragic Small PEN!S Syndrome (SPS for short.) Here are a few ways to tell (without seeing his tiny PEN!S.)

1. Overcompensation
This side effect pretty much encompasses the entire list, but can be spotted through a few simple behaviors. Men who have tiny PEN!SES normally over compensate by attempting to own expensive things. For example, a man driving a Ferrari probably has a really small dick. By driving a fancy car, a man is pretty much saying, "HEY! Focus on the car, NOT my small PEN!S! PLEASE!" If a man feels the need to wave his money in your face, then he is more than likely the owner of an undersized package. A man with a normal PEN!S knows that once the time comes for you to see see his PEN!S, it will not be a disappointment, and he will not need other tactics such as bribery to keep you around.

2. Vehicles with a lift aka "Jacked Up Trucks"
Being from the South, I unfortunately witness this display of small PEN!SRY on a daily basis. Other than the fact that men who drive jacked up trucks are more than likely huge douche bags who still believe women belong in the kitchen, they are definitely suffering from small PEN!S syndrome. This category of men is probably suffering the most, actually. As I like to say, "the bigger the lift, the smaller the dick." A man's PEN!S also grows smaller with every inch of camouflage that lines his interior and/or ignorant stickers that refer to the truck they are stuck on. These men usually exert their frustrations with their small PEN!S by revving their engine for no reason. A man with a small PEN!S lets his vehicle serve as his PEN!S. If you need further explanation regarding this topic you can refer to any country song, ever.

3. Unwarranted rage and/or jealousy
Is he jealous when it comes to other men? Or your friends? Or your family? Or your pet? Seriously, I have witnessed my friends' boyfriends get mad at them about spending time with their family and friends when, apparently, they should have been fondling his tiny dick. Unexplained jealousy and rage are a telltale signs of a small PEN!S, and you should avoid a man with this behavior at all cost. Being the man attached to a small PEN!S is an insecure role; he probably imagines your need for a real PEN!S, and gets very self-conscious in thinking that you're always out trying to find one. 24/7. Unless you're at home, with him, or in his truck or Ferrari.

4. Men who are obsessed with their appearance
Men who spend more time grooming themselves than you need to be tattooed with "small PEN!S." Seriously, if a guy is trying really hard to amp up his game in the looks department, it usually means that you'll be disappointed when you search for an erection but find a troll of a PEN!S. Signs of this symptom include: tanning, hair gel; tedious/ridiculous gym schedule; any type of silk garment; tight, flared jeans (really any clothing that can be described as "too tight"); and shaving his arms/legs/back in an attempt to resemble a seal. I'm all for manscaping, but unless you're Michael Phelps and need to eliminate hair in order to gain those extra seconds to glide through the water, you should have arm/leg hair. The inverse of this is refusing to perform any type of grooming because their excessive man hair is the only thing that keeps them feeling adequate. Gross amounts of hair do not make me feel impressed by your manhood; rather, I feel like I'm spooning a bear.

5. Refusing to relate to anything feminine
Men who refuse to relate to anything feminine are probably doing so because their microPEN!S leaves them feeling like less of a man than it should. Being overly grossed out by periods, denouncing chick flicks, claiming that females cannot be funny, and refusing to do "womanly" activities are a few side effects of this symptom. Your man isn't a "manly man" just because he hates chick flicks; in fact, he's probably less of a man than the boyfriend that readily admits to enjoying things that his significant other enjoys (and having sex with them with a real PEN!S.) Nothing solidifies a man's comfort in his own skin like partaking in anything, whether it's "feminine" or not. Just because you help with household chores, enjoy watching Girls or even help decorate the house, doesn't mean you're any less of a man.

6. He's dramatic
Men with small PEN!SES usually house lots of pent-up frustration (due to the fact that they have small PEN!SES), and get annoyed by any and everything. A man that has more drama than an episode of The OC can easily be diagnosed with small PEN!S syndrome. If a man is constantly having drama with his friends, or bitching to you about the stresses of his everyday life (I know, babe, playing X-Box and going to class is super stressful…) then he is more than likely a victim of an undergrown PEN!S. A stable man with a good PEN!S doesn't have to worry about the petty drama that life brings; after all, he has a great PEN!S, damnit! (We all know that's what the male psyche boils down to.)

7. Being a "player"
Some of the men who have the most sex suffer from small PEN!S syndrome. These men try to spin the story in their favor and claim that they have so much sex because they're game is undeniable; however, most of the time when men only have consecutive one night stands, it's because the your partner was left unsatisfied by their teeny pene. Most of the "players" that I've hooked up with have the smallest PEN!SES, and the guys whom they usually mock tend to out-perform them 100{1f0bb132e08ca1f8565add86e1f8740171c75f84ed80bad4a750114913f392ef} in the bedroom. Sorry, bro, that "freak" in the band has a way bigger PEN!S than you, and deep down, you know this. So go ahead and tell the world that you're infamous for never calling girls back or being with a different person every night, but at the end of the day it doesn't matter because… small PEN!S.

8. Miscellaneous
There are some professions/miscellaneous things that require you to have a small PEN!S. Here's a brief list: owning a Mustang, being obsessed with your fraternity (TFM, BRO!), being mean to animals to assert your dominance, refusing to drink light beer or admit that anything but angus beef steak is your favorite food, thinking copious amounts of drugs and/or alcohol will magically grow your PEN!S, doing steroids (apparently this has a literal effect on the size of your PEN!S), thinking (and telling people) that you could ever be Don Draper (or really any of the men on Mad Men), and finally, carrying a weapon at all times because if all else fails, your tiny PEN!S is never going to protect you from harm.

9. He's a master at oral sex.
Some small men who know how to confront their misfortunes know how to compensate elsewhere — with their tongue. Their tongue is that appetizer trio and three big glasses of water that holds you up through a bad dinner. They're so good that they go on an excavation quest with your vagina.

They do what a fat kid does with a plate: they wipe it clean with their tongue. If they can deliver well enough with their tongue and get your vagina hot and ready for rumble, they can stick their highlighter PEN!S inside of you and you won't even notice you have a Prius parked inside your three-car garage.

10. He tries to preach about how "size doesn't matter."
He will throw signs and start a fuss over the fact that "size doesn't matter." Yeah, right. He knows it does. When a man throws you such line, be on the look out for what's coming out of those pants. They know they were handed a bad card. Mother nature was PMSing the day they came out of their mom and their only defense is to brainwash women who haven't experienced a big PEN!S.

It's not the size of the boat that matters but the motion in the ocean? Ladies, I don't know about you but I'd rather be riding in a yacht than a pedal boat.


Latest Gossip News via Email

Enter your email address to subscribe to our website and receive notifications of Latest Gossip News via email.

Loading...