The difference between consensual sex and rape – What every man has to know – This will shock you

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Although it may seem like the lines can blur between consensual sex and rape, the difference is actually very simple. Consensual sex is sex that all parties involved in agree to, both prior to the sexual activity and throughout it. Rape happens when someone involved in the sexual activity does not agree to it, and is doing it against their will, and/or because they feel forced or coerced into it.

It’s crucial to note that consent must be given before the sexual act, and it can be withdrawn during the act. Just because someone agreed to sex beforehand doesn’t mean they can’t change their mind.

If ever you’re having sex, or you’re engaged in sexual activity, and you don’t want to be doing it, it’s rape.

What is sexual consent?

Sexual consent is actually very easy to understand. If a person says they want to have sex with you, great! Go ahead and have sex with them. If a person says they don’t want to have sex (or any other kind of sexual activity) with you, or if they’re unconscious, or if they’re unsure, they have not given consent and you must not have sex with them.

5 things everyone needs to know about consent

1. The opposite of consent is rape

If you don’t give your consent to be involved in a sexual act with someone, and they force you to do it anyway, it’s rape. It’s a crime, and they can be punished for it. You have every right to report it to the relevant authorities, if you want to. Reporting it is your choice.

2. You can always change your mind

Even if you give consent before sex, you can change your mind during the act. If the other person continues to have sex with you, it’s rape.

3. A drunk or drugged person can’t give consent

If a person has been drinking or taking drugs, they don’t know what they’re doing, and they can’t give consent, even if it seems like they are. That means it’s rape. Bottom line: don’t have sex with a person who’s inebriated or intoxicated in any way.

4. Giving consent for one act doesn’t mean you give consent for all acts

Consent must be given every time you have sex or engage in sexual activity with someone. Just because you had sex with them once doesn’t mean they have the right to demand sex any other time. Having sex with someone once doesn’t imply that they always have a right to have sex with you…

5. … In fact, no one has the ‘right’ to have sex with you

Maybe someone bought you dinner, or maybe they splashed out on expensive gifts for you. This does not mean that they ‘own’ you, or your body, or have any right to have sex with you. You also do not owe anyone your body for any reason – even your spouse does not own your body! You and you alone have full rights over your body, what you do with it, and with who!

The things every man and woman needs to know about sexual consent

1.Women: you CAN reject sex

Many South African women, particularly those under 25, believe they don’t have the option to reject non-consensual sex. If you don’t want to have sex, you have the right to say NO.

2.Partners should consistently seek consent from each other

To borrow from the video you’ve just seen, just because a person wants a cup of tea today doesn’t mean they’ll want tea tomorrow or the next day or next week. Get consent for every sexual encounter between you and your partner.

3.Seeking consent doesn’t have to be awkward

It can be respectful while still being sexy, because it gets you talking about the sexual acts you want to do (and those you don’t). Creating safe spaces for open, honest discussions helps keep you and your partner happy and satisfied.

4.Drugs and alcohol don’t replace sexual consent

Have you ever regretted your behaviour or a decision you’ve made when you’ve been under the influence? If a person has taken drugs or had too much to drink, she is unable to make rational, logical decisions, and is therefore unable to give consent – even if her words seem to say otherwise. Do not have sex with her. Make sure she’s safe, and be respectful enough to leave her alone.

5.If a person is unconscious, they cannot give consent

Having sex with a person who is passed out is rape.

6.If a person passes out half-way through sex, stop having sex with them

Continuing to have sex with a person who is unable to continue giving consent becomes non-consensual, and is therefore also rape.

7.If you have sex, or any kind of sexual activity, with a person who did not give consent, it is rape

There are no grey areas: sex without consent it rape.


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